blastall

monday mid-am,a voice mail from the domer. meet at the domer's den of design at 11:30. the professor will be there. i don't even have to be told where lunch will be. you see the domer has no sense of culinary adventure and apparently has a pecuniary interest in andrew's grill and bar which is about 100 feet across adams street from the domer's den. 11:38 we go inside. my dates don't do well in the sun. andy is sitting on our left. he greets the domer and announces that he is cooking the boo, oh no i'm sorry, he says he is doing the payroll. how hard can that be--count your employees--total up the hours worked and multipy by $1.00. there you have it--payroll done. andy and i go way back. he opened the deli in the 70's and i was there. 2nd act, i was there when i robbed a bank. maxim's, tutto bene, trio ( i still wear my trio shirt ), northside, the capital grill and bar and 228. this guy has had more joints than ricky williams. in the restaurant biz, he is the reinvention equivalent of madonna. the burgers at the deli would bring tears to your eyes. best steak sandwich ever made. taragon butter at night when he got all fancy. trio was a favorite--even though he went PEPSI. joel, the manager at trio, would keep a six pack of diet coke hidden in the beer cooler for those of us that have taste buds. this past fall we ate dinner twice at 228. good food and a really nice setting. ate several times at the grill and bar and never had a bad meal. alas, two trips between december and mid-january to the grill were not so hot. had a burger that may have been yak. had meatloaf that was way past resting. it hadn't worked in years. enough of the past. monday is a new day. the hostess seats us. i should say that the domer and the professor were seated, i had to squirm into my seat. these tables are close. this time of year, you gotta jam in as many as will fit. have to make up for mid-summer when you can get a table for 90 without a reservation. the professor notes my discomfort and pulls the table toward him. bless you my friend. now i don't have to eat like a praying mantis. the prof and the domer take a look at the salad/hot bar. the professor opts in. the domer doesn't. i order a swiss burger with steak fries and the domer follows suit. not one independent bone in his pumped-up body. he even orders a diet coke like mikey. the professor makes his first trip to the trough and we await delivery. by the way, chuck, what is in that bowl? i think it is beans. doesn't sound too sure but he keeps on eating. i look about and note that one of the tv's seems to have been snatched from the wall. i hope for andy's sake that it is a theft or repair and not a pawn. nah, it can't be a pawn. as noted above, july and august are the pawning months in tally. the professor makes his second trip. he flashes his plate to me. i note a certain item of unknown origin attached to the plate. i can see it from 15 feet away but can't tell if it is of edible value. he picks another plate and moves on to his next course. if he had kept the first plate, he could have had course numbers two and three at the same time. real men don't let STUFF stop a meal. now the burgers are announced by a person who did not witness them being ordered. who had the burgers? your first clue might be the two of us without food. modern food service is goofy. can i get you anything else? some 57 sauce would be nice. heinz 57 she asks. i want to say that i prefer harry's 57 sauce just to check out her sense of humor and to mock her redundancy but i don't. at $1.00 per hour, she needs no guff from a geezer. heinz will be swell. the burgers are fine. the fries are too. however, when you refill my diet coke, please do it from a tap and not from a pitcher of tepid liquid that may be easy to serve but sure ain't easy to drink. most of the food at the grill has been named after politicians and other psycho types. not a good idea. those folks leave a bad taste in the mouth of most of the populace. you should not have to start your meal with a sour vision of what you are about to devour. it is bad enough that it happens after you eat from time to time. for most of the crowd at andrew's on monday it probably has no effect. these guys eat more cellphone batteries than they do food. for all i know, they might just like a Clinton Colada with their meal. she comes to collect. the professor goes deep and quick into his wallet. produces plastic and it works. doggone these law guys are good.

oops...calm down....lower case...good doggy...no barking. 6 am thursday, i kiss my sleepy bride goodbye. i promise to take her out for dinner. she is probably grinning but i can't see in the dark. when i get back home, she is in the yard digging and singing to the tunes on her i-pod. bagging up green goodies for her pals. where will it be darlin? it is german night at riccardo's--a better choice could not be made. most of the time we don't eat before 7, but if you don't get to tina's place early--no schnitzel for you. i dress for the occasion. best 648 new balance shoes. class ring from my mama. timex indiglo with the unusual black metal band-a gift from the doughboy. 2 silver bracelets from wife and male child. i top it off with my treasured ZACHARY'S tee-shirt. 20th anniversary edition. it will forever remind me of our last trip to california. 4 days in san francisco, including dinner in oakland at meri and beths'. 4 days in carpenteria. dining and visiting on the mountain, with the kids and amy o's family. enough sentimental nostalgic crapola. i had a bad dream last night. as best i can recall, i was forced to watch oprah reruns and it may have turned me into a lower case mental case. at $2.30 per gallon on sale at the gate, we take the civic. the explorer will be driven rarely, unless we hit the lotto. remind me to play lotto..nah we can drive the civic. we walk in the door at 5:40. only 10 seats out of about 50 are left. now there are 8. in less than 10 minutes even the table for 2--which is labeled the "worst table in the house" is occupied. the label is a lie. the only bad table in the house is the one you don't have. those that don't have are being meeted and greeted and watered by tina. you wanna know how much i like riccardo's? it is simple. if a restaurant proudly serves pepsi, it proudly won't serve me again. i gladly order unsweet tea. amy orders wienerschnitzel with red cabbage and mashed potatoes. i have the spaghetti with the best italian sausage you will ever eat. the salads are delivered along with 2 big chunks of warm--crusty on the outside--soft on the inside--herb bread. delectible monstrous mounds of carbohydrate happiness. i enjoy every bite. the last of which is used to sop up my remaining red sauce. eat your heart out gboj. i finish off amys' mashed spuds. she is stuffed and so am i, but those are not going back to the kitchen. destiny and that is her real name, asks about dessert. too full but thank you for asking. destiny's child has no idea that i have some almost-homemade c-chips at the house. made them up last night while simultaneously pulling off a rare come-from-behind victory in a game of muggins agains't miss amy. a domino game taught to us by doubleo and her whiz of a hubby. stick 3 c-chips in the toaster oven at 8:30. settle down with us news and world report while my techno spouse makes cd's for me. read about dubya and the growing deficit...i swear i'm not going to toss my cookies...put the magazine down...watch hoops...no caps...no caps... hey, tina ..i know you don't need any publicity cause your dining room is always as full as my belly was last night. so to help you out, i will give directions to riccardo's. these directions were given many years ago by a couple of famous guys: go south to the slawson cut-off and when you get to the fork in the road--take it.

well excuuuuse me. i didn't know you had to go to qualifying school, like nascar, to drive on the internet. my dear niece, meri, who helped me set up this blog and several others, have advised me not to use caps. it denotes yelling, indicates hostility and apparently is just plain bad form. look folks, my site is blastall not hugall. you want touchy-feely go watch oprah. i'm in this blog biz to take out my frustrations and to say some things that need to be said. if i want to use caps, just consider it mikeys' road-rage on your little polite internet highway. if you try to slow me down,i will put a CAP in your face oh, i am so sorry, i mean't to say, put a CAP on your screen. KISS OFF, YOU CYBER ...oops settle down. NO CAN DO. so friends, as we navigate this modern avenue potentially connecting everyone to everyone, you may occasionally perceive THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THE RECIPIENT THE UNIVERSAL SIGN OF DRIVERS' DISPLEASURE, BY THAT FOOL WHO FLUNKED THE EMILY POST SCHOOL OF BLOGGING. thank you very much and have a nice day.

IN MAY OF 1989 WE MOVED INTO THE UGLIEST COURTHOUSE EVER CONSTRUCTED. IT HAS BEEN ON THE COVER OF ARCHITECTURAL INDIGESTION AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR SINCE WE TOOK OCCUPANCY. IT LEAKS. ITS' ENTRAILS ARE RUSTING. THE FACADE IS CRACKED AND FALLING OFF. THE ELEVATORS HAVE NEVER ALL BEEN IN SERVICE AT THE SAME TIME. THE INTERIOR WALLS ARE DULL. THERE IS NO ART. THERE IS NO HOPE OF IMPROVEMENT. THE PLACE HAS BEEN UNDER REPAIR FROM THE FIRST DAY. IT NEVER GETS ANY BETTER. THE COURTROOMS ARE DIMLY LIT AND ACOUSTICALLY DEPLORABLE. AFTER AN HOUR, YOU HAVE THE VISION OF MR. MAGOO. IT IS ONE OF THOSE PLACES WHERE EVERYTHING CAN BE HEARD AND NOTHING CAN BE HEARD. GREAT PLACE TO SEEK JUSTICE-BLIND AND DEAF. SOME FOLKS COME TO THE COURTHOUSE TO RIGHT WRONGS. MOST FOLKS WHO COME TO THE COURTHOUSE BELIEVE THAT THEIR RIGHTS HAVE BEEN WRONGED. PRETTY MUCH NOBODY COMES IN HAPPY AND FEWER LEAVE IN THAT STATE. BUT ENOUGH GROUSING. THERE IS ONE SWEET SPOT IN THIS SOUR EDIFICE. GO TO FLOOR #2 AND ENTER THE SNACK BAR. WELCOME TO THE HOME OF MIKO. THIS IS ONE TINY,HAPPY,BUNDLE OF ENERGY. IF YOU PUT 10 POUNDS OF ROCKS IN HER POCKETS,SHE WOULD WEIGH 10 POUNDS. 4 POUNDS SMILE. 4 POUNDS KINDNESS. 2 POUNDS OF ENDLESS EFFICIENCY. MIKO AND I HAVE A DEAL. EVERY MONDAY MORNING AT ABOUT 6:30, I ENTER THE SNACK BAR WITH A PAPER BANK ENVELOPE WITH 5 BUCKS IN ASSORTED CHANGE. I DELIVER THE COINS TO MIKO AND NOW WITHOUT ADDITIONAL DAILY RECOMPENSE, I CAN HELP MYSELF TO A SMALL CUP OF VANILLA SWILL UNTIL THE NEXT MONDAY. I GET THE BEST VANILLA SWILL IN TOWN. I GET A BIG THANK YOU EVERYDAY--SOMETHING YOU DON'T GET VERY OFTEN IN MY LINE OF WORK. MIKO BAKES COOKIES EACH MORNING AND THEY ARE ABOUT THE ONLY THING THAT SMELLS GOOD IN THE COURTHOUSE. OATMEAL,MACADAMIA AND C-CHIPS. I NEVER BUY THEM. ABOUT ONCE EVERY TWO WEEKS, MIKO WILL OFFER TO LET ME HAVE A FREE COOKIE BUT I ALWAYS DECLINE. LAST THURSDAY WAS DIFFERENT. IT SEEMS THAT THERE HAD BEEN A COOKIE MINING DISASTER. TWO OATMEAL COOKIES AND TWO C-CHIPS HAD BEEN DAMAGED IN HARVEST. THE OATMEAL COOKIES WERE THINNER THAN A PIZZA WHEEL AND THE C-CHIPS WERE KNARLY AND BEYOND REPAIR. MIKO WRAPPED THEM IN PAPER, GAVE ME A GRIN AND TOLD ME TO TAKE THEM. I DID. I'M GONNA HAVE TO RECALCULATE HER WEIGHT. GOTTA FACTOR IN A POUND OF SLY. SHE'S GOT ME HOOKED. MAYBE I'LL TALK TO ONE OF THE SILK SHIRTS ABOUT SUING MIKO FOR HOOKING ME. AIN'T THAT THE WAY IT WORKS IN AMERICA...FILL UP THE COURTHOUSE WITH WORTHLESS LAW SUITS..TRY TO FINANCIALLY NAIL SOME GOOD PERSON FOR DOING SOMETHING GOOD. NAH..I'D NEVER SUE MIKO. IN FACT, IF ANYONE EVER MESSES WITH MIKO, EVERYONE IN THE COURTHOUSE WILL LINE UP TO WHACK THE FOOL. MAYBE I SHOULDN'T USE THE WORD WHACK, GIVEN RECENT GOINGS ON IN THE COURTHOUSE...I GUESS IT'S OK THOUGH. I SAW IN THE PAPER THAT IT NEVER HAPPENED. GEE I WISH THE COUNTY ATTORNEY WOULD HIRE OUTSIDE COUNSEL TO SUE THE NUTBALLS WHO THOUGHT THIS FESTERING SIEVE OF A BUILDING WAS HABITABLE IN 1989. I'M NOT GROUSING. I'M JUST STATING... SHORT FOOD STUFF FROM LAST WEEK MONDAY TO BAGELX2---OO IS STILL LOOKING FOR LOX IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES. LINDA IS AS SWIFT AS EVER. THE VIRGINIA MELT WAS FINE. THURSDAY AT TAKES ME OUT TO WILSONS..THE COLE SLAW WAS INCREDIBLE AND THE OTHER STUFF WASN'T BAD EITHER... FRIDAY AN EARLY LUNCH WITH DG AT PO'BOYS. IT WAS A TWO C-CHIP DAY AND BOTH WERE TOP OF THE LINE. THE CAPO OF PO'BOYS HAS READ MY BLOG. HE MUMBLES SOMETHING ABOUT EVEN THOUGH MY STUFF IS DRIVEL..HE'S GONNA GET THE CRUST OFF THE CONDIMENTS.

IT IS TUESDAY AND "YON CASSIUS HAS A LEAN AND HUNGRY LOOK". IT MUST BE 11;30. THE "WE DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE SAME BUILDING WITH RAW FISH" FOLKS DON'T JOIN US. WE GO TO JASMINE CAFE ON COLLEGE AVE. WE ENTER THE HALLWAY AND TURN LEFT INTO THE MAIN ROOM. THERE ARE SEVERAL TABLES AVAILABLE BUT THE HOSTESS TAKES A GANDER AT ME AND SAYS FOLLOW ME TO THE BACK. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY HAD A BACK. I SUPPOSE WHEN YOU WEAR CORDS WITH A TIE, THEY DON'T WANT YOU EATING IN THE MAIN ROOM WITH THE GENTRY. IT MIGHT RUB OFF OR DETER A CUSTOMER WHO MIGHT SPOT ME FROM THE WINDOW ON THE STREET. NOT ONLY DO WE GET ESCORTED TO THE REAR, BUT THEY HAVE A SPECIAL TABLE FOR US, DIRECTLY ACROSS FROM THE SWINGING DOOR INTO THE KITCHEN. IT NEEDS A PAINT JOB. IT NEEDS A GALLON OF WD-40. IT DOESN'T NEED US SITTING WHERE SEATED. HOWEVER, EVERRYBODYS' GOT TO BE SOMPLACE AND THIS IS OUR PLACE TODAY AND WE DON'T COMPLAIN. WHO COULD HEAR US ANYWAY WITH THAT RAUCOUS PLANK FLAPPING WITHOUT END? JASMINE IS PRETTY MUCH A SUSHI JOINT. THEY HAVE MORE VARIETIES OF DEAD FISH THAN MARINELAND HAD BEFORE IT WENT BELLY-UP. NO SILVERWARE ON THE TABLE. CHOPSTICKS. FORKS BY SPECIAL REQUEST. I SUSPECT THAT IF YOU ASK FOR A FORK, YOU WILL GET THE, HEY CHECK OUT THE ROOKIE LOOK. I REMOVE THE SIAMESE TWIN STICKS FROM THEIR JAPANESE ENCRYPTED PAPER SLEEVE. I REALIZE THE CODE MUST MEAN--DON'T TRY THIS OLD MAN. I STICK THE STICKS BACK IN THE SLEEVE AND ORDER THE RECOMMENDED FIESTA WRAP. FINGERS I KNOW HOW TO USE AND I AVOID THE FORK/ROOKIE STARE. THE BACK ROOM HAS ABOUT 25 SEATS. BEFORE WE ARE DONE,IT IS FULL. I THOUGHT I SMELLED LYSOL WHEN WE ENTERED. I KNOW I SMELLED SOMETHING ELSE WHEN WE LEFT. THERE ARE 5 MEN SEATED ON COUCHES. I KNOW THERE ARE 5 BECAUSE I COUNTED THE CELL PHONES AND DIVIDED BY 2. MOST EVERYONE IS EATING WITH THE CHOPSTICKS. THEY SEEM TO BE ABLE TO DIP AND EAT WITHOUT DROPPING. IT MUST BE AN ACQUIRED SKILL--THERE IS NOT AN ASIAN IN THE PLACE--SAVE THE BUSGUY WITH THE JAPANESE/CHINESE/KOREAN DO-RAG. MY WRAP IS PRETTY GOOD AND , GIVEN THE COSTS OF DINING OUT, AT $6.00, IT IS NOT OUTRIGHT THEFT. IT DOESN'T COME WITH ANY SIDE DISH. IT HAS A GARNISH OF WHAT I WOULD CALL "WEEDS GONE WILD". I MOVE IT AROUND THE PLATE TO GET IT OFF THE WRAP. IT DOESN'T COME NEAR MY MOUTH. I'LL LEAVE FOR THE NEXT GUY. THE DIET COKE IS SWELL. THERE IS ONE SERVER IN THE ROOM AND THE LAST THING SHE NEEDS IS A TABLE FULL OF INNUENDO. I GOT A WITNESS TO WHAT I'M ABOUT TO DESCRIBE. THIS DOOFUS SAYS TO HER--"DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 11 YEARS AND I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE STRIKINGLY BEAUTIFUL". DOUBLE O OVERHEARS THIS AND SAYS--"DO YOU THINK I SHOULD TELL HER THAT I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 2 YEARS AND THAT SHE IS STRIKINGLY BEAUTIFUL"? YES YOU SHOULD I REPLY AND EVEN OFFER TO SQUARE MY TIP IF SHE DOES. OO WIMPS OUT. I GUESS WE WILL NEVER KNOW IF THE LADY-IN-WAITING HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR, MUCH LESS, A SEXUAL PREFERENCE. TIME TO RETURN TO FIGHT THE HUN AND FOR SOME MORE COURTHOUSE FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT..SINCE I ALREADY FINGERED THE CHOPSTICKS, I TAKE THEM WITH ME. GOOD SOUVENIR. BAD UTENSIL. I TRY NOT TO RUB MY BANTY-LEGGED CORDS TOGETHER ON THE WAY OUT. I WOULDN'T WANT TO DISTURB ANY MUST TAKE/MAKE THIS CELL PHONE CALL. SAL WINS THE COIN TOSS. IT'S GONNA BE A LONG AFTERNOON.

FRIDAY DOUBLE O HAD TO PICK-SIX FOR A TRIAL SO WE WENT TO LUNCH LATE. PO'BOYS--I TOLD YOU IT IS A HABIT YOU CAN'T SHAKE. WE ARRIVE AT 12;40 AND THE CROWD HAS THINNED. A CHOICE OF BOOTHS. WE TAKE #2 ON THE LEFT. THE SERVER NOTES OUR APPEARANCE AND KNOWS OUR HABITS. THE C-CHIPS ARE DELIVERED WITH OUR DRINKS. I HAVE THE HALF BUFFALO CHICKEN PO'BOY AND IT IS VERY GOOD. OO HAS A SALAD AND MAKES NO COMMENT. SHE PASSES ON THE SECOND COOKIE FOR DESSERT. I DON'T. I PASSED ON THE FRIES, SO A SECOND COOKIE WON'T PUT ME IN THE POORHOUSE OR PORK ME UP. I WILL TRY TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE WEEKEND WITHOUT RETURNING. EVEN AS I WRITE THIS I AM BEGINNING TO ITCH. SATURDAY MISS AMY SUGGESTS A TRIP TO BACKYARD BURGER ON THE PARKWAY. OUR SECOND VISIT SINCE THEY OPENED. MAINFRAME HAS BEEN THERE EIGHT TIMES AS OF LAST THURSDAY. TWO CHEESEBURGERS,TWO SEASONED FRIES ONE STRAWBERRY MALTED ONE CHOCOLATE SHAKE AND A SIDE ORDER OF CHILI. THE BURGERS ARE REALLY GOOD. THE FRIES ARE GOOD WITH 57 SAUCE. THE MALTED COULD HAVE USED MORE MALT. I SUSPECT THAT THE KID WHO FIXED THE MALTED NEVER HAD ONE. PROBABLY THINKS THAT MALTED IS JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR SHAKE. THE CHILI IS A SURPRISE--I'LL GET IT AGAIN. ONLY COMPLAINT,SOME YOUNG-UN PLAYED SPIDERMAN ON THE WINDOW BY OUR SEAT AND IT WAS REAL ANNOYING AS THE SUN WENT DOWN. NOTE TO ALL DRIVERS--IF YOU ARE COMING DOWN BLAIRSTONE TURN INTO ALBERTSONS' AND PARK IN THE SOUTHEAST CORNER OF THE LOT. MUCH SAFER THAN MAKING A U-TURN ON THE PARKWAY. SUNDAY I'VE GOT A FEW MINUTES TO SPARE BEFORE CHURCH AND REMEMBER THAT COOL GRINDZ HAS OPENED ON PARK. UP ADAMS I GO. IT IS OPEN AT 8 ON SUNDAY. IT IS 10:05 AND IT IS BUSY. I ORDER A SMALL HOT COCOA. I GIVE THE NICE COUNTER LADY THREE DOLLARS AND SHE GIVES ME 8 CENTS IN CHANGE. I'M INSTRUCTED TO PICK UP MY COCOA AT THE END OF THE BAR,WHICH EXPLAINS THE COST OF COCOA. THIS PLACE IS ALMOST TOO WELL DONE. IT AIN'T NO JAVAHEADS. THE FOLKS ARE QIUCK AND PLEASANT. I MAY GO BACK BUT IT WILL BE AWHILE. IT WAS NOT EASY GOING DOWN ADAMS ST TO CHURCH--MISSING AN ARM AND A LEG.

WE WENT TO ANTHONY'S ON THE GIANT BAGS' FAREWELL TOUR. THE TOUR LASTED TWO WEEKS. EVERYDAY A DIFFERENT VENUE-MENU. 2-15-97 WAS THE DATE. IT WAS THE ONLY DATE THAT WAS SOLD OUT. I WAS PART OF THE EVENT STAFF AND I STILL HAVE THE TOUR SHIRT TO PROVE IT. PEGGY AND FRED TOOK US THERE FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY. IT HAS BEEN THAT TYPE OF PLACE. YOU DON'T EAT THERE OFTEN BUT WHEN YOU DO IT IS SPECIAL. YOU WALK IN THE DOOR AND IT HAS THAT GREAT "ITALIAN SMELL". IT IS ALWAYS CLEAN. A FEW YEARS BACK WHEN MY FRIENDS AT TASTY PASTRY WERE SUPPLYING ANTHONY'S WITH SOME TASTY PRODUCTS, I HELPED DELIVER ON SATURDAY. THE KITCHEN WAS SPOTLESS. I'M PULLING INTO THE DRIVEWAY ABOUT SIX ON THURSDAY AND MISS AMY TROTS OUT WITH THE PHONE . IT'S MJM AND HE WANTS TO KNOW IF MISS AMY AND I WOULD LIKE TO JOIN HIM AND LADY J FOR DINNER AT SEVEN ON FRIDAY AT ANTHONY'S. DOES A HOBBYHORSE HAVE A WOODEN PRAT? MJM AND I HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER 33 YEARS. ALMOST HALF MY LIFE AND ALMOST ONE-THIRD OF HIS --JUST KIDDING. AS TONY K WOULD SAY, WE KID BECAUSE WE LOVE. TWENTY TO SEVEN WE ARE READY TO GO . MISS AMY LOOKS LIKE A MIILION IN SINGLES. ACCORDING TO MY POP, THAT WAS THE BEST YOU COULD LOOK, AND SHE DOES. THICK WHITE TURTLENECK SWEATER--LONG BLAZER-TYPE JACKET-CLOGS-FINE. THEY ARE ALREADY AT A TABLE IN THE BACK WHEN ANTHONY GREETS US. HE SEEMS TO ALWAYS BE THERE BUT NOT ANNOYINGLY SO,LIKE SOME RESTAURANT OWNERS. WE INTRODUCE LADY J TO THE JOYS OF LAVOSH. SHE IS HOOKED. THE FOOD WAS ALL FANTASTIC AND THE DESSERTS OF ESPRESSO PIE AND TIRAMISU WERE INCREDIBLE. THE PLACE WAS BUSY BUT NOT PACKED. YOU COULD ACTUALLY HAVE A QUIET AND EXTENDED CONVERSATION. NO ROLLING TABLES. NO SINGING STAFF. YOU MAY BE FAMILY WHEN YOU ARE AT THE OLIVE GARDEN,BUT YOU MAY ALSO BE DAFFY-IN-THE COCO. ANTHONY'S CONTINUES TO PROVIDE FINE FOOD AND FINER MEMORIES. MJM AND LADY J, THANKS FOR LAST NIGHT. HEY, PEG, GETTING HUNGRY?

PO'BOYS IS LIKE CRACK,YOU KNOW IT IS BAD FOR YOU, IT MIGHT KILL YOU, BUT YOU GO BACK FOR ONE MORE ROCK. I CAN BEAT THIS THING. NO WAY. THE PICKLE CHIPS MAY BE SO GREASEY THAT THEIR COVERS FALL INTO THE DIPPING SAUCE, LEAVING SOGGY STUFF IN THE CUP AND YOUR FINGERS FULL OF UNEATABLE MUTANT CUCUMBER. THEY LEAVE THE ONIONS OUT OF THE 'JUNE BUG', WHICH IS THE ONLY INGREDIENT IN A 'JUNE BUG'. THE BUFFALO WINGS MAY BE RARE. NOT A GOOD WAY TO EAT FOWL. THE DIET COKE MAY BE FLATTER THAN YOUR DATE FOR THE PROM. EVERYONE AT THE TABLE WILL TAKE A BLOOD OATH AND MAY EVEN TAKE THE PLEDGE TO NEVER RETURN. IN LESS THAN A WEEK,A COLLECTIVE -SCREW IT-WILL ECHO AT 11;20 AND OFF WE GO TO PO'BOYS ON COLLEGE. THURSDAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS. OO,MAINFRAME,AT,DAL AND MR. MIKEY HEAD OUT. FLOPPY,AS USUAL, WILL MAKE HIS GRAND APPEARANCE FIVE MINUTES LATER. THE SKY IS HIGH SO WE DECIDE TO EAT ON THE DECK. WE ENTER THROUGHTHE INSIDE SO OO AND I CAN SNATCH TWO HOT C-CHIPS--95 CENTS A POP--PUT IT ON THE BILL. THEY ARE THE BEST DOWNTOWN COOKIES WHEN HOT AND MADE WITH MILK CHOCOLATE. TODAY THEY ARE SEMI-SWEET. GOOD NOT GREAT. SEATS ARE TAKEN AND THE SERVER IS QUICK. SHE IS HELPFUL BY POINTING OUT TWO ORDERING OPTIONS WHICH WILL SAVE DAL AND MAINFRAME A BUCK EACH ON THEIR TABS. ORDERS TAKEN,DRINKS DELIVERED, FLOPPY ARRIVES. HE IS GOING TO HAVE HIS BEAK TWEEKED NEXT WEEK AND IS OBSESSED WITH THE DETAILS. WE ARE ABOUT TO EAT,SO WE STEER THE TABLE TALK AWAY FROM NOSTRIL BOY. MAINFRAME HAS HER STANDARD GRIPE ABOUT THE 50 CENT SURCHARGE FOR EXTRA DRESSING AND TODAY SHE IS NOT EVEN EATING A SALAD. THE SERVER HAS BECOME A BIT SURLY ABOUT REFILLS AND SUCH--NEED TO MOVE THE TABLES THE PLACE IS LOADED UP. MY BREAKFAST PO'BOY IS TOPNOTCH AND ONE OF THE BEST BARGAINS IN TOWN--POUND FOR POUND. THE CAJUN FRIES COULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAJUN. WHO AM I TO LOOK A FREE EQUINE IN THE PIE HOLE? I'M ON DAL'SDIME--PAYBACK FOR A RIDE UP THE HILL TO WORK FROM JAKES BRAKES ON PERSHING EARLIER IN THE WEEK. GEE I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A SECOND COOKIE FOR DESSERT--UNDER MY J-BOYS LAMENT --THESE COOKIES ARE NO GOOD AND THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH OF THEM. THE LUNCH CREW NOTE THAT THE DECK IS A MESS--STICKY TABLE--STRAW COVERS AND NAPKINS ABOUND ON THE SKINNY BAR BENEATH THE FLAT SCREEN TV. AN ADD-ON WHICH,NO DOUBT, CAUSED A SPIKE IN PRICING. SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR SPORTSCENTER ON A WIDE SCREEN.KETCHUP BOTTLES ON THE BAR HAVE FALLEN LIKE DOMINOES. THE TOPS OF THE TABASCO AND CRYSTAL SAUCE BOTTLES ARE CAKED AND CRUSTY. BUT WHO CARES THE STUFF STILL COMES OUT AND IT IS REALLY A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD UNTIL I REALIZE THAT THE DECK WAS INSTALLED FOR TWO REASONS.
INCREASE PROFITS AND TO DEFEAT THE NO SMOKING LAW..IT WAS NOT A PROBLEM UNTIL A TABLE OF SIX MARLBORO MEN BEHIND US DECIDE TO TORCH UP AT THE SAME TIME. THE DECK IS NOW EN FUEGO. WITH OUR NOSTRILS UNDER ASSAULT AND FEELING A CLOSER KINSHIP TO FLOPPY,WE SETTLE UP AND SCOOT. SOMEDAY I WILL HAVE A RESTAURANT. I DREAM OF TWO DECKS. ONE AT MY PLACE FOR EATING AND ONE AT PO'BOYS FOR SMOKING.

IT IS WEDNESDAY AND THE USUAL LUNCH REPAST IS A SHORT WALK FROM THE COUNTY HOUSE OF PAIN TO PARADIGM ON COLLEGE AVE ACROSS FROM FIRST BAPTIST WORLD. THE TRADITION HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY SPECIAL AT PARADIGM. WE GO ON WEDNESDAY BECAUSE WE CAN ALWAYS GET BIG CHEAP C-CHIP COOKIES AT CLYDES ON ADAMS ST. WE NEVER EAT AT CLYDES BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW IF THEY ARE GOING TO BE OPEN TO THE PUBLIC WHEN THOSE THAT TAMPER WITH THE LAW ARE IN TOWN. TODAY IT IS OLIVE OIL,FLOPPY,FLOPPYS MAINFRAME-AW AND MR. MIKEY. WE LEAVE AT 11;30 TO BEAT THE SUITS AND SKIRTS. I PEEL OFF INTO CLYDES FOR THE COOKIES AND THE OTHERS SCURRY ON TO GRAB A TABLE. THE SIGN AT CLYDES SAYS PRIVATE PARTY--THAT'S ME--NOT REALLY--BUT I ACT LIKE I AM INVITED AND FOR TWO BUCKS THEY LET ME HAVE FOUR GIANT C-CHIPS AND SHOW ME THE DOOR. I JOIN THE OTHERS WHO ARE NOW SEATED AND AWAITING THEIR SWEET PRE MEAL TREAT. EVERYONE KNOWS THE EAT DESSERT FIRST RULE. TODAY THE COOKIES ARE OVERDONE AND DRIER THAN A POPCORN FART. NEVERTHELESS,THEY GET GOBBLED BEFORE OUR DRINKS ARRIVE. WE GOT SWEET TOOTHS, NOT NECESSARILY GOOD TASTE. WE HAVE BEEN GOING TO PARADIGM SINCE THEY OPENED AND SINCE THEY REOPENED. THEY CLOSED LAST DECEMBER TO REMODEL-THAT WAS A LIE-AND TO TINKER WITH THE MENU-WHICH WAS NOT A LIE. THEY TINKERED TO THE TUNE OF ABOUT A BUCK MORE PER ITEM ORDERED. OKAY,OKAY THEY DID SWITCH FROM STYROFOAM CUPS TO PLASTIC-SUCH AN IMPROVEMENT-NOT. THE PLACE REALLY IS NICE-BRICKY,PIPEY,WAREHOUSE-TYPE LOFTY AND THEY HAVE THE BEST FOUR PIECE CHICKEN FINGER PLATE AROUND. WHEN THEY FIRST OPENED THEY DID NOT FIX THE FINGERS BUFFALO STYLE SO WE BROUGHT OUR OWN FRANKS ORIGINAL SAUCE AND FIXED THEM ON OUR OWN. THEY LET US KEEP OUR BOTTLE THERE. WHEN THEY REOPENED THEY PROUDLY ANNOUNCED THAT FOR ONE MORE DOLLAR THEY WOULD FIX THEM BUFFALO STYLE. OUR BOTTLE WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. TODAY FLOPPY ORDERS THE FOUR FOWL DIGIT PLATE, SAVES A BUCK ON THE HOT SAUCE AND AS GOOD DIETER, SUBS DISGUSTING VEGETABLES FOR THE USUAL DECENT HOMEMADE CHIPS. I MAKE HIM GET THE HONEY MUSTARD AND BBQ DIP FOR MY CHIPS. I GIVE HIM MY PICKLE SPEAR IN TRADE. I ORDER THE FIESTA WRAP AND IT IS EXCELLENT. THE DIET COKE IS NICE--PLASTIC MAKES IT TASTE SO MUCH BETTER THAN STYROFOAM-SCREW THE ENVIRONMENT-GIVE ME MY DOLLAR BACK-MY GOODNESS I AM STARTING TO SOUND LIKE A REPUBLICAN. MAYBE I WILL RUN FOR OFFICE-YEA THAT'S THE TICKET. AW GETS THE TURKEY COBB SALAD AND HAS TO PAY FIFTY CENTS EXTRA FOR ENOUGH DRESSING TO COVER IT. SHE DID DECLARE THE LADIES ROOM TO BE FIT FOR A LADY. I GUESS JOEL WILL USE IT NEXT. THEY BRING OLIVE OIL A GREEK WRAP INSTEAD OF THE GREEK SALAD THAT SHE REQUESTED. PERHAPS THEY DON'T DO REQUESTS. LICKITY SPLIT THEY REPLACE THE WRAP FOR A SALAD--EITHER PREMADE OR SOMEONE GOT HER REJECTED WRAP. THE BILLS GET DELIVERED. MINE IS $9.51. I GIVE MARIA A DOUBLE-SAWBUCK AND SHE RETURNS WITH A FIVE AND FIVE ONES. WHO TRAINS THESE KIDS TO STEAL MONEY FROM THEIR FAN BASE? MY REVENGE IS QUICK AND SWEET. SHE GETS A TOTAL OF 1.49, INSTEAD OF THE 2 SHE COULD HAVE HAD. SHE HAS NOW LEARNED ALFRED'S LAW OF EVER DIMINISHING RETURNS--THE MORE YOU GET THE LESS YOU HAVE. I WILL BE BACK--WITH CORRECT CHANGE ONLY.

I PICK UP THE PROFESSOR AT THE LAW SCHOOL AT 11;25 BY 11;35 WE PULL INTO THE PEA GRAVEL LOT AT WILSONS BAR-B-QUE ON BRONOUGH NEAR TENNESSEE ST. ONLY ONE CAR IN THE LOT. I GUESS EVERYONE IS STILL WATCHING JEB ADDRESS THE LEGISLATURE ON OPENING DAY.I PITY THE FOOLS. WHEN IT IS TIME TO EAT, IT IS TIME TO EAT. THE PLACE IS SPOTLESS INSIDE AS WAS THE LOT OUTSIDE. THE ONLY CAR MUST BELONG TO THE SOLO LADY ABOUT TO EAT A PLATE OF FRIED FISH. CHUCK E-THE PROFESSOR PICKS A TABLE FOR FOUR--JUST IN CASE SOMEBODY MIGHT WANDER IN AND DECIDE TO BUY US LUNCH? SIT DOWN,LOOK UP AND SHE IS THERE WITH MENU,NAPKIN WRAPPED SILVER AND THE INSTANT REQUEST FOR OUR DRINK ORDER. MR. I AM GOING TO EAT RIGHT ORDERS WATER. I MYSELF, MR. MIKEY ASK FOR THE COLA SELECTIONS AND THE MOMENT SHE SAYS COKE I ORDER A DIET. TWELVE SECONDS LATER THE DRINKS ARRIVE AND IT APPEARS FROM HER DEMEANOR THAT WE BETTER BE PLACING OUR ORDER PRONTO. RIBS AND GREENS FOR MY DATE. CHOPPED BRISKET,FRIES AND SLAW FOR ME. I SUSPECT THAT THE PROF DOES NOT WANT ME TO REPORT THAT HE ACTUALLY ORDERED ONION RINGS,FRIED GREEN TOMATOES,AND ASSORTED GRAVY LADEN GOO--SPOUSE WOULD GO NUTS--SHE DOES NOT WANT HIM TO DROP UNTIL HE FINISHES THE DROP--JUST KIDDING JUDY --HE DID EAT RIGHT. THE TRUTH IS THAT ALL THE FOOD WAS VERY GOOD. IT IS MY TURN TO PICK UP THE TAB. ABOUT 17.50 WITH TAX PLUS TIP. THE PROF MAKES A LAME ATTEMPT TO GRAB THE BILL. PROBABLY WAS GONNA TRY TO USE CREDIT CARD LOANED TO HIM BY ONE OF HIS STUDENTS WHO IS IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM. I THINK THE GUV'MENT PUTS LOTS OF THOSE FOLKS INTO LAW SCHOOL. UPON GRADUATION THE FOX CAN GUARD THE FOX. ALMOST FORGOT, MID-MEAL, THE PROF WHO IS HEADEDTO NORTH GEORGIA FOR THE WEEKEND,ANNOUNCES THAT HE AND HIS BRIDE ARE GOING TO CRACKER BARREL TONIGHT TO GET BOOKS ON TAPE FOR THE TRIP. EVER NOTICE HOW NO ONE EVER ADMITS TO EATING AT CRACKER BARREL BUT THEY JUST GOTTA HAVE THEIR VERBAL-READ FOR THE JOURNEY. HEY I DON'T NEED SOMEBODY TO READ ME TO SLEEP ON A TRIP. I FALL ASLEEP JUST FINE ON MY OWN. JUST ASK MISS AMY.....

lunch with olive oil at no monroe st bagel-bagel. linda at the register is the best in town. she can take your order,make your change or run your credit card,cut your bagel,remember your name and take a phone order at the same time. she always has a smile and won't lie about whether the cookies are fresh. the bagel melt is not bad. however i will give abig reward to the personwho invents a way to cut and toast an everthing bagel and still leave the everything on it.i mean that is why you order an everything bagel not a plain bagel..olive oil gets the lox spread for her gluten sphere. stll looking for the lox. we both draw diet phosphates and remark on the nice mix . fountain drinks can be really bad--these are not. while paying for her food, olive oil sees them toss last weeks cookies and bring out fresh 3 for $1.28 c-chips in shrink wrap. pretty tasty when fresh and warm,rotten when not. i head to the crapper while waiting for the guy to holler out my usually fake name so i can take delivery at my booth. the crapper is reasonably clean for a monday,if you get my drift. very narrow-one is a crowd. towels of the paper type from a pull out rack are where you need them. anyway we dine we dash and back to the courthouse in under 40 minutes. we toss pennies at the great seal of the state of fla. whoever is closest to lake okeechobee wins. doubleo gets a rare win. i did not even bring my c-game. someday i will tell you where the money goes when you win. i almost forgot to mention tnat contrary to its name many times bagel-bagel is out of its namesakes by lunchtime. today we are lucky and actually get bagels. probaly because 50,000 students are on spring break and the legislativemutts and their entourage of cell phone groupies won't begin to annoy decent folk until tomorrow .

took the lovely miss amy to the midtown whataburger for dinner. don't tell me i don't treat her like a dadgum queen. let her get the 3 piece chicken meal with giant fries and jug-o-lemonade. chicken was hot and moist--fries were cold and moist. ya gotta take the bitter with the sweet . young lady at the counter was much improved over our last visit. the place was busy and the service was fair. perhaps they were one cook shy . even so they make mickeyd's look slower than mikey in a foot race. got the geezer discount without two forms of id. i guess they figured i was out with my granddaughter....

thank you meri