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IT IS WEDNESDAY AND THE USUAL LUNCH REPAST IS A SHORT WALK FROM THE COUNTY HOUSE OF PAIN TO PARADIGM ON COLLEGE AVE ACROSS FROM FIRST BAPTIST WORLD. THE TRADITION HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY SPECIAL AT PARADIGM. WE GO ON WEDNESDAY BECAUSE WE CAN ALWAYS GET BIG CHEAP C-CHIP COOKIES AT CLYDES ON ADAMS ST. WE NEVER EAT AT CLYDES BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW IF THEY ARE GOING TO BE OPEN TO THE PUBLIC WHEN THOSE THAT TAMPER WITH THE LAW ARE IN TOWN. TODAY IT IS OLIVE OIL,FLOPPY,FLOPPYS MAINFRAME-AW AND MR. MIKEY. WE LEAVE AT 11;30 TO BEAT THE SUITS AND SKIRTS. I PEEL OFF INTO CLYDES FOR THE COOKIES AND THE OTHERS SCURRY ON TO GRAB A TABLE. THE SIGN AT CLYDES SAYS PRIVATE PARTY--THAT'S ME--NOT REALLY--BUT I ACT LIKE I AM INVITED AND FOR TWO BUCKS THEY LET ME HAVE FOUR GIANT C-CHIPS AND SHOW ME THE DOOR. I JOIN THE OTHERS WHO ARE NOW SEATED AND AWAITING THEIR SWEET PRE MEAL TREAT. EVERYONE KNOWS THE EAT DESSERT FIRST RULE. TODAY THE COOKIES ARE OVERDONE AND DRIER THAN A POPCORN FART. NEVERTHELESS,THEY GET GOBBLED BEFORE OUR DRINKS ARRIVE. WE GOT SWEET TOOTHS, NOT NECESSARILY GOOD TASTE. WE HAVE BEEN GOING TO PARADIGM SINCE THEY OPENED AND SINCE THEY REOPENED. THEY CLOSED LAST DECEMBER TO REMODEL-THAT WAS A LIE-AND TO TINKER WITH THE MENU-WHICH WAS NOT A LIE. THEY TINKERED TO THE TUNE OF ABOUT A BUCK MORE PER ITEM ORDERED. OKAY,OKAY THEY DID SWITCH FROM STYROFOAM CUPS TO PLASTIC-SUCH AN IMPROVEMENT-NOT. THE PLACE REALLY IS NICE-BRICKY,PIPEY,WAREHOUSE-TYPE LOFTY AND THEY HAVE THE BEST FOUR PIECE CHICKEN FINGER PLATE AROUND. WHEN THEY FIRST OPENED THEY DID NOT FIX THE FINGERS BUFFALO STYLE SO WE BROUGHT OUR OWN FRANKS ORIGINAL SAUCE AND FIXED THEM ON OUR OWN. THEY LET US KEEP OUR BOTTLE THERE. WHEN THEY REOPENED THEY PROUDLY ANNOUNCED THAT FOR ONE MORE DOLLAR THEY WOULD FIX THEM BUFFALO STYLE. OUR BOTTLE WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. TODAY FLOPPY ORDERS THE FOUR FOWL DIGIT PLATE, SAVES A BUCK ON THE HOT SAUCE AND AS GOOD DIETER, SUBS DISGUSTING VEGETABLES FOR THE USUAL DECENT HOMEMADE CHIPS. I MAKE HIM GET THE HONEY MUSTARD AND BBQ DIP FOR MY CHIPS. I GIVE HIM MY PICKLE SPEAR IN TRADE. I ORDER THE FIESTA WRAP AND IT IS EXCELLENT. THE DIET COKE IS NICE--PLASTIC MAKES IT TASTE SO MUCH BETTER THAN STYROFOAM-SCREW THE ENVIRONMENT-GIVE ME MY DOLLAR BACK-MY GOODNESS I AM STARTING TO SOUND LIKE A REPUBLICAN. MAYBE I WILL RUN FOR OFFICE-YEA THAT'S THE TICKET. AW GETS THE TURKEY COBB SALAD AND HAS TO PAY FIFTY CENTS EXTRA FOR ENOUGH DRESSING TO COVER IT. SHE DID DECLARE THE LADIES ROOM TO BE FIT FOR A LADY. I GUESS JOEL WILL USE IT NEXT. THEY BRING OLIVE OIL A GREEK WRAP INSTEAD OF THE GREEK SALAD THAT SHE REQUESTED. PERHAPS THEY DON'T DO REQUESTS. LICKITY SPLIT THEY REPLACE THE WRAP FOR A SALAD--EITHER PREMADE OR SOMEONE GOT HER REJECTED WRAP. THE BILLS GET DELIVERED. MINE IS $9.51. I GIVE MARIA A DOUBLE-SAWBUCK AND SHE RETURNS WITH A FIVE AND FIVE ONES. WHO TRAINS THESE KIDS TO STEAL MONEY FROM THEIR FAN BASE? MY REVENGE IS QUICK AND SWEET. SHE GETS A TOTAL OF 1.49, INSTEAD OF THE 2 SHE COULD HAVE HAD. SHE HAS NOW LEARNED ALFRED'S LAW OF EVER DIMINISHING RETURNS--THE MORE YOU GET THE LESS YOU HAVE. I WILL BE BACK--WITH CORRECT CHANGE ONLY.