blastall

you're a kid in the late forties and fifties. you grow up in and around new york city. the street is your playground; stoop-ball, stick-ball, dodge-ball, kick-ball, football, anything with a ball. you learn the rule of the street. momma doesn't say, don't play in the street. the rule is simple: WATCH OUT FOR CARS. you see one coming, you stop. sometimes you holler at the driver; CAR CAR C-A-R DRIVER'S FROM THE LOCAL BAR. for your rhyming brilliance, you may get a smirk, a smile or a single digit. you don't see one coming, you get a horn if you are lucky or smacked if you are not. don't go crying to momma--you broke the rule. there were no signs on the street saying; "SLOW KIDS AT PLAY'. if there had been, it would have been a reference to mikey's lack of speed and not a warning to approaching vehicles. we have traveled the road from personal responsibility to political protectiveness. here is the progression in tallahassee. we, as elected officials, are going to do everything we can to protect our constituents; let's build a sidewalk. nice thought but not the final solution. a pedestrian-a person going on foot. you ever see a jogger or a runner on the sidewalk? never. they run in the road and usually right at you. now if it is against the law for a pedestrian to use the street if a sidewalk is available, why not enforce this rule? be kinda like how they enforce the laws against driving while black ( need to stop this guy..looks suspicious..might have a joint..think i smell a funny blunt..might have a rock..heck even if i'm wrong, this guy might just need a good tasering). i'm thinking it goes something like this: running while white ( whatsa matter white boy, you too good for the sidewalk? whatcha got in them cute shorts, you holding some altoids? gotcha a starbucks card? did your i-pod slip or are you just happy to see me?) ok, sidewalks didn't work, so we, as elected officials, are going to calm the traffic by erecting signs that say;TRAFFIC CALMING AHEAD and we will toss in some really swell concrete obstructions in the road. gee, that didn't work too well, but we got a lot of tire tracks on the concrete and a fine collection of scarred hubcaps. so we, as elected officials, are going to treat the street to some speed bumps. about seven per mile ought to do the trick. oh my. we, as elected officials, find out that our soon to be former constituents, really don't like speed bumps. what to do? what do politicians always do? they go to conferences on political illusion. this time they come up with a dandy. remove the speed bump signs and replace them with speed hump signs. thank you so much commissioners. why just this morning, on my way to work, i had j-lo,penelope cruz, sandra bullock, pam anderson, paris hilton, carmen electra and faith hill and that was just on trescott drive. golly. that worked out well. now our fickle friends are too tired to campaign against us. we have finally screwed them senseless. call our buds at the asphalt company, it is time to work on the southside.